This is the first year since I was 11 that I havnet passed out candy at my dads for halloween. Thats been 28 yrs of doing this. I will miss not making chili and taking that in for when neighbors and family stop by cold and hungry when they are done with trick or treating everywhere else. The happy yet tired faces on the little kids. Showing all their candy but yet grumpy and wanting hugs from grandpa and yes even me. But no more will that happen. Father is still in the nursing home and probably will never return home. No longer am I a part of their lives.

Some days I sit here and think of all my mistakes. And I count the losses of those mistakes. It starts on this holiday already and will continue on for the rest of my life. My family is no more. Funny how there were days I wished for this. Because I was so fed up with how they treated my dad and me. I dont know where I am going with talking about this. Guess I just needed to tell someone. Maybe because I do miss him.Maybe because I wonder if he misses me.