This is also true for me. I internalized so much of my turmoil and negativity (precisely because it wasn't something there was any tolerance for), and instead spent all my youth doing what was expected of me. Everything I did was praised, as long as it was exactly what was expected of me. And I was either ridiculed, dismissed or punished for expressing anything negative. I learned early to be a pleaser. I still haven't figured out how to be me - I've spent a lifetime being what others want.

Also, I read the book Mindset awhile back. That definitely helped me to understand how my upbringing shaped me. If it was easy and I knew I could easily succeed, I would do it. When things got hard and I might not excel, or worse I might fail, I gave up. My self image was so tied up in the kind of praise I routinely received that anything that could challenge that idea was threatening. For example, I was always praised for my intelligence. That seemed a fixed attribute to me. So, if something was challenging to learn, I didn't pursue it - if I didn't pick it up easily, it might mean that I wasn't, after all, as intelligent as people thought. Then where would I be, if that was what people valued about me? I spend a great deal of effort with my kids to praise them for their attitudes and approaches to things - for things that are within their power, such as working hard to figure something out, having a good attitude about losing a game, persevering when things are challenging, figuring out what went wrong in something they tried and working on how to overcome that the next time, etc.

I also spend a lot of time helping my kids to name their emotions, talking about what happens when I feel how they're feeling, acknowledging and normalizing their entire range of feelings, etc. I find it has helped my son a lot with his feelings knowing that he can tell me when he's sad or angry, and that I am willing to sit with him through that, talk with him, or just give him some space and time to calm himself down. And that it's OK that he has those feelings.