Hello It's_Leslee: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. You didn't mention if you're receiving any kind of mental health services at the present time... either seeing a psychiatrist or a mental health therapist. Hopefully you are. The sooner you put an end to your downward spiral, the better. (I'm sure I'm not telling you something you didn't already know.) Anyway, please take care & keep posting here on PC. It can help too.