Elsa, you have apologized plenty. I saw the thread you're referring to, and personally I don't think there's a need for you to apologize.

This is a safe place, and ultimately we're all here to help and receive help from others. It's fine that you posted what you were thinking and feeling at the time. I'm glad you got help, and have the clarity you've shown in this thread today. Best of luck as you continue your plan - we're all beside you.