I have high anxiety around those in an official authority capacity such cops or government agents. I have always had a problem with authority figures in general, from school school teachers when I was young to managers/supervisors as an adult. I always think they are going to abuse their authority and use it to do me harm be it physically or mentally. When I was still working I was so proactive in guarding myself against it that i often went on the offensive, even when I was not under attack. Holding down a job for me, especially if I had to work near other people or under anyone was an emotional roller coaster that left me angry, hurt, or in the bathroom dry heaving with anxiety on a daily basis the last few years I worked.

Please don't be so hard on yourself for not being in the workplace. Out of the last 22 years, I have missed 12 years of work due to MI issues. I have been off 9 months this time and I have no intentions of going back to work, at least not in any traditional sense of the word.