I get your situation. I was told I needed to be hospitalized again not too long ago. I didn't want to and the truth is, I never went. I found a way for myself to keep going. I have a fiance, a little brother, my best friend, my sister, my older brother and my mom I could never put through that. Even then, thinking about that wasn't enough. So, what do I do? I fix things. I change up the house, I fix the broken sink I've always hated, I remodel when I get the money, I change my diet, I change my daily routine up a bit; I fix things I no longer like. It makes me feel like I've accomplished something, but it's also one more reason for me to keep going. I can't kill myself if that wallpaper hasn't been put up, yet. I can't end it until I'm finished writing that new song I've been working on. Death doesn't scare me in the slightest, other than what it will do to the living; and for that reason, I trek on; whether I like it or not.