I remember the night that rocked me pretty hard, I went walking along a road and drinking with my friend. I remember I stopped in the middle of the road (it was the middle of the night) and I looked up at the sky. I spread my arms and yelled, "Kill me or help me! Just don't do nothing! F***ing help me! Somebody, just f***ing help me!"

I feel like I'm back at that place, though it's more internal. It's like I'm yelling as loud as I can but everyone sees a smile. No one hears it, at least not anywhere else but this site. Even here, I hold back a lot of what I want to say and I don't know why I do it; no one here know who I am (at least not officially).
I used to have so much faith. So much and now, I just envy people who do. I wish I could have that kind of optimism, again. Just knowing, without any fact or logic behind it, that you'll be alright in the end. I wish I could be that way again, but I just don't believe.