Just recently I got out of the hospital after several months of being treated for my eating disorder. My ED was my way of coping, and now I'm trying to do recovery, but I feel so useless and empty and alone.

I took the semester off and now have nothing to do and no motivation to do anything but lie in bed all day. It's all I can do to stick to my meal plan and keep eating.
Right now I'm doing an ED evening Intensive Outpatient Program 4 days a week and going to counseling 2 days a week, but the mornings and weekends have been increasingly difficult.

This depression that has haunted me for years is slowly suffocating me and more and more I'm finding myself in an old familiar place of entertaining thoughts of death. I don't want to die, I just want to STOP hurting so intensely!

I'm crying out for help. And I'm talking about it and doing everything I know I should do, but I am just SO TIRED of fighting this fight.

Tired of hurting. Tired of fighting for my life.