I was journaling the other day and came to the sound conclusion on why I had unsuccessful relationships in the past. I hate touching another person physically. It's just something that doesn't come naturally to me. If I think about touching another, like reaching out to hold a guy's hand, my throat gets tight, my heart palpates, and I get very anxious. As a result of this building pressure inside of me, I just cop out and can't do it.

I've determined that if the guy were to initiate all the physical contact, and physical intimacy, then the relationship would be perfect, but of course, no healthy relationship is that one sided. Both sides have to initiate so that the other feels wanted and desired and attractive and all that.

So, what am I to do? It's a huge trade-off, but would being perpetually single just to avoid this pressure to initiate physical interaction with the guy be a healthy option? Being single for the rest of my life actually seems kind of.....depressing to me in the long run now that I really think about it. It also seems like I'm just avoiding the issue. However, knowing that I would just let the poor guy down and make him feel that I'm not at all interested in him would just make me feel so guilty. Therefor, the singleness comes in. If I don't have to deal with such things, then no problems can arise. No problems, means no emotional struggles etc....

*sigh*

This sounds like a job for my Anxiety and Phobia workbook....because now I am having relationship anxiety over my physical interaction anxiety.