Quote:
Originally Posted by Ankh91
What I feel is right for me now is not something I'm proud of. I'm playing a waiting game. Wait until I can't wait anymore. I have to be more scared of my dad and what he's capable of now, than I am of the consequences of telling my T / the police. The things he does, he's been doing since I was very young, I don't want to say I'm used to it as such, but I can cope with it. I have no idea how I'd cope with the fallout of pressing charges. I'm not ready to report it, I'm not ready to do a lot about it, but I can't keep it in anymore. Being here is the first step for me, this time history won't repeat itself. I might take a bit longer to open up this time (school counsellor Vs telling T) but I'll do it right this time. I hope.  |
I can understand that... better the devil you know than the devil you don't. And in the past when you tried to get help, it sounds like he attacked you even worse, so getting help must be associated with being traumatized, for you.
You could collect some resources even if you aren't ready to use them yet... I was wondering if you might feel stronger or a little less trapped if you just found the name of (say) a local lawyer who specializes in domestic abuse cases? Or the name of a women's shelter nearby and their number? Just to have them. Like a little something in your arsenal for when the time comes. (A women's shelter would also be the place to go if you have reason to fear him at a specific time... they can keep you safe.)
I also wondered if you could find news stories about abuse charges pressed against parents, or a biography written by someone who faced this kind of abuse and did go through the courts. It might make the unknown a little less scary.
Or, you could start finding out what is involved in getting a work permit in the US or Canada, start thinking about where specifically you might want to move to, and what the plane fares are like. I don't mean to swamp you with suggestions, I was just hoping that taking small steps, investigating options while you are waiting, might be a bit empowering. Like putting together a pathway out, even if you're not ready to take that path yet.