I have PTSD from long term childhood trauma, but also several isolated incidents in adulthood that have been traumatic. I felt suicidal as a child, anxiety, depression and then I have been under mental health care since I was 13 and on psychiatric medications since about the same age. When my care team talks about recovery, I find it really hard to picture in my head what this means. I dont know of a time when I was well enough that would be considered recovered. Maybe well enough to function better than I am now, but its always just been functioning for a while until burning out because of trying to hold myself together long enough to go to college or hold down a job for a while for example. I feel like I play whack-a-mole with mental health trying to make certain things in my life ok that will help my recovery, then get kicked in the bum from another direction. Do any of you struggle with feeling like the term "recovery" feels like some mythical place always out of reach and no real direction?