Hello pa-timber: From what you wrote it sounds to me as though you have a mature, realistic understanding of your situation. I don't know to what extent it is, or is not, possible for abusive men, as a group, to change. But it is certainly true that you'll never know for sure whether or not you have changed unless you give it a try.

You know you have the potential to be abusive. But you also know you don't want to go back there again. And, personally, I would suggest you don't have to. So my thinking is go ahead & open yourself up to the possibility of a new relationship. But also be honest & open, with anyone you find yourself becoming involved with, about where you've come from. And also do what you need to do to procure the support services you need (therapy, psychiatry, men's support group, etc.) to create for yourself, & any new romantic partner who may come into your life, the greatest possible likelihood of success. No one could ask for more.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!