there were a few years where i swear i was not as depressed or struggling as bad as prior years, but when i mentioned that to the psychiatrist recently, she went through some notes of those years, and every one of them mentioned how depressed, anxious, and dissociative i was. i don't know if it was only because i saw her once in a while and never talked about how i felt okay at times or what the case was, but i found it confusing to have that discrepancy in how i thought things were versus how it was when i saw her those times.

not sure if that's the same that you are meaning..but it is confusing when things can be ok for a while then not and reality of things hits you again. trying to make sense of it all is difficult too, especially when you would rather have things be more stable and aren't able to predict when they will be or even make sense of how things have been.