Yes that is good, I would of gone into the hospital to help with the self destructive thoughts, but all I would of done was worry about everything here at home, with the kids and if my husband was around enough to take care of them. So I didn't see that happening.

I am still trying to process that session, my regular T called me tonight to see how things went. I told him I didn't know yet, he thought that was a fair enough answer right now. I told him how she wants me to see him next week, he said that was fine, but it was up to me. Don't let it be up to me, I won't go, and that is what I told him, then fine I won't schedule. But I know I should, another week without seeing and talking puts me further in the hole.

Any decision is hard right now, I can't seem to make any. I am doing better processing what happened in that office today, I get that she doesn't need to know about the past, she wants to correct the present, and put the past feelings I have where they belong, in the past. And I get how she is going to deal with my others to do this. It is just all new stuff to me, not what I am used to. So I am alittle, ok alot afraid to go there right now.

When she was asking me to talk to mmy suicide other and ask her to just relax for a few so I could access some of my other emotions, I was able to do that briefly. My inner child came through so strong and angry she was screaming. I reacted and had a small melt down, I told her about it, and that I had broken the little trust I started with her. So she asked me how I broke my inner childs trust. I told her I brought her out a while ago, and then I put her back away because it was to painful. We talked more about my inner child, and how I have to help her trust again, and she is there to help me do that. All this is so new, my T has never approached any of this like this before. The one time he tried to help me with inner child work, he hypnotized me, and sent me right in with her, and I fought back, and pulled myself out of the hypnosis. So this is different, and scary......and I feel like I have never done therapy before tonight!!!