Since my recent breakup with a terribly emotionally abusive Narcissistic Partner, I have sought counseling and started attending CoDa meetings which have been SO helpful. I am learning how to own my feelings as well as recognize my own codependent behavior.

However, I have this coworker that is testing me on EVERY level. Quick background: This woman is the MOUTH of the SOUTH!! You can tell when she enters the room, she demands attention at all costs...she challenges my introvert every day. Despite this, she can be quite fun.

She almost always has to be the queen bee, and for the most part the office lets her. Since she's normally late on Monday mornings and we can't set the coffee timer over the weekend, I made a pot of coffee this morning. Because I was the first one in the office, I did make the coffee a little stronger than she likes it (key word... I -- it's OK for me to make coffee like I want it) so when she bee-bopped into the office (late of course) and poured herself a cup, she made it very clear that she did not like it.

In her normal LOUD manner, she announced that the "coffee is nasty..." and "how can you screw up coffee..." blah blah blah. I could feel my level of irritation rising and I even said... "I've gotten my coffee. You're more than welcome to make another pot..." but she kept going on and on. I finally just stated "Fine, I won't make coffee anymore"

You would think that would have ended the ordeal, but on top of her passive-aggressive silent treatment afterwards, she made it a point to re-hash the coffee incident AGAIN at a team gathering a few moments later.

In the middle of our festive Halloween gathering she made it a point (in my presence) to state that she was still sleepy because she didn't get her coffee this morning... that the coffee was undrinkable....

I really wanted to say something but didn't feel it was the time or place to address coffee, so I left the gathering and have been brooding in my office since.

So, I know the codependent in my is a people pleaser and somewhat of a doormat, so I am struggling with if I should just let the whole thing go. It is JUST COFFEE... but... this isn't the first time that this coworker has done this whole passive-aggressive humiliation type thing with me and I have said nothing.

I want her to know that this is NOT the way to speak to me, but I fear retaliation. She's been at the company longer than me (I'm not even 6 months old yet), and I've heard that she's notorious for getting people she doesn't like fired or chasing them off.

This SO reminds me of my wicked step mother. She often would try to humiliate me in public using the same tactics and when I was a kid, I would just take it. However, I am an adult now and I don't think I should be subjected to this type of treatment.

Should I:

1) Avoidance - just ignore it and give her liberty to continue to walk all over me at will (she's a loudmouth bully)

2) Passive Aggression - Two can play that game! I can alert the boss of my "hostile work environment" -- I can do the whole wounded puppy act really well. She's not the only one who can get people fired (this is usually my go to reaction)

3) Assertion - Let the smoke clear and have a private one-on-one conversation with her to make sure this doesn't continue happening (scared this option may blow up in my face)

HELP!!!