Hey there love, I am just like you. I struggle with many the same issues and had a relationship where I did some things I am ashamed of. It's been about 5 years since I was with him and I too have grown and self reflected.
I recommend going to the women's shelter (Fellas can use their resources too!) and asking about programs for controlling anger and abusive behaviors. Don't be ashamed, because you had the guts to say "I don't want to be like this" and this a much bigger step than many people will ever take.
Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk to a kindred spirit. My inbox is jumpin'.