
Oct 31, 2016, 02:10 PM
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Member Since: May 2001
Location: SW Fla.
Posts: 1,160
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Quote:
Originally Posted by itisnt
I agree that the OP is not in any way responsible for the way this termination was handled. And I also agree that I don't think that when one is the throes of anger, resentment, emotional pain and anguish any attempt to correct this "termination fiasco" would be satisfactory. Pain from abandonment and betrayal is exactly that P A I N. Things could be improved a bit in this situation if the offending T offered a much better explanation and took responsibility for what happened. An apology goes a long way in healing, but apparently, he isn't self-aware enough to recognize how poorly he handled this situation, and the longer he denies his poor approach to the situation, the more anger and resentment he's going to create for the OP (in my opinion only). Sadly, this is where therapists fail miserably. They just don't get how some clients are severely effected by this kind of abandonment behavior, and when it happens, they seem to think it's the client's problem due to their mental illness and it's just fine to walk away without addressing their part of the problem!
Solution? Not sure, but it sure isn't a letter saying, it is what is, have a good life. In my opinion, Ts need to be much better trained and up front when meeting with new clients that therapy is NOT a friendship or relationship that leads to a prolonged lifelong closeness or support. Instead, they seem to work extra hard initially to get the client to "attach" to them and then when it happens and they get overwhelmed, some poorly trained ones, run for the hills. Fostering solid boundaries is a hard balance to create because the "nature" of the therapeutic relationship (it's all about you and you can talk about anything and I'll listen attentively without burdening you with my junk) is seductively sweet--many humans crave this attention so much that they forget that it isn't REAL. It's a work-for-hire relationship. It is close and intimate but it isn't a two way REAL relationship. It's fake in the sense that no one can survive in real life in this kind of relationship 24/7. Why? Because everyone in a real relationship needs time to have their own needs met and a therapeutic relationship crashes when the T seeks to have their needs met or when they get overwhelmed (compassion fatigue, which is their fault NEVER the clients).
Personally, I think that Ts need to stop saying stupid, ridiculous and untrue statements like: "I'll always be there for you." or "I'm in this for the duration." or "I'm not planning to go anywhere. We'll work together for as long as it takes." or "I know you have abandonment issues and I won't abandon you." or any other ridiculous statement along those lines. They are offensive and lead to some clients believing in them. Some people can hear those types of statements and not be sucked in by them, most can't and when things go south, there is hurt feelings and in some cases, severe re-traumatization of the client. T also need to learn how to step up and admit when they make mistakes and take responsibility . . . but in today's world, that rarely happens in any job. Sorry for the long rant but this is an issue that really bugs me.
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Well said!!! Thank you for such a detailed and awesome comment. It caused me to look at my own therapy. While I'm not going through what the OP is ( and I wish her all the best) I see some similarities in my own therapy. I don't trust easily and for the last (almost) 4 years my therapist has openly encouraged me to become dependent upon her, she once told me that I will need to "fall in love with her" ( not romantically). Now here we are about 4 years later and I have allowed myself to depend upon her and funny enough I have felt her pull back in fairly subtle ways... less email, less warmth at times, just to name a few. I still do not trust her completely and I'm glad for that. Sometimes this process feels like a game of cat and mouse.. and I don't like those kind of games. It's very confusing! Anyways.. thank you for your post!!👍👍
__________________
"I wish you would step back from
that ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies
That you've been living in"
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