I dunno. I'm blessed because I am on drugs that have the needed effects and do not cause major adverse effects. I also live in a safe, secure, comfortable environment, eat nutritious food, get to do some things I want to do...I even get to play around with alternative mental health (I'm into Orthomolecular right now...good times...).

But I can't help but wonder: am I just a content "mental patient" ? My people take care of me. Not ideal, but...that's the current situation. They're more "genteel" now or whatever, and I think...if it was just me, living off not much in disability, would the drugs "work" as well? Would I end up living in a Thorazine haze because of "symptoms" combined with low social status, oppression, and everything else?

Psychiatry also isn't all that scientific. Maybe I've just run into some bad docs, but I've had "professionals" use the drugs as punishment, or try to, anyway. Not "good enough" for drug x, so I was prescribed drug y, and my experience of adverse effects didn't matter because...I was a "trouble maker," "not good enough," not "worth their time," etc.

I'm not so sure my experience is all that unusual. One of the "professionals" who did those things to me and generally made my life a living hell, both inside the hospital and out in the community, is widely regarded as "one of the best psychiatrists in (local city)."

I dunno. I guess...I'll focus on an attitude of gratitude. My life is more comfortable and meaningful than it was in years past, and I have more support than I ever did before. With the economy the way it is, I'm blessed to be on disability, going to school, etc.

And yet...I have a lot of questions, even now...