I think I disagree that it is "unethical" for a therapist to call and check in. At least in my training, it was never framed that way.

Essentially, yes, the client needs to ask for what he or she needs. It is always OK to ask, even if it isn't possible. But sometimes the client just can't reach out until a hand is extended first. I believe in good boundaries, but not ones that are so rigid that harm comes to the relationship or the trust that has been built. I think these things need to be decided individually. The few times my therapist has called to check in with me have meant a great deal to me, particularly when I was suicidal.

That said, I do agree that it would be highly unusual for a therapist to call about a canceled session, particularly if another one is scheduled, unless the client asks for a call back. This doesn't mean they don't think about us or we don't mean anything to them.

I'm sorry you've been hurting.