I saw T yesterday and it was an emotional session. I think I have gotten to the point with him that I can't hide anything. I just plunk myself down in front of him and can't say anything unless it is honest. I feel compelled. My husband and I had canceled our legal session for later this week and T wanted to know why. So I told him about the emotional last week, and the separation. I tried to tell him about the ring, but it was so very painful. I hadn't realized how painful until I was there in front of him and re-experiencing it, trying to tell him. I cried and cried, and actually sobbed, and T, who was sitting across from me on his couch, said, "I am sitting here and my arm is around you." That made me feel really held. He has never said that before. I guess I needed extra empathy and he gave it.

T was also really sweet when I was trying to tell him about the ring, and he could see I was hurt to the core by this, and I was having a hard time getting it out. He was patient, but then started asking questions, as our session is only so long, and he wanted to help me get it out. One of the first things he asked, was, was this painful thing about him and me, had it happened in our last session. And that just made me feel warm inside that he would think this was about our relationship, rather than an outside event. Like it shows he recognizes the importance of the relationship to me. I know I gave a little smile. It was very sweet of him to think that.

He knows I am so stressed out right now. He said I need to spend some time sleeping and take care of myself. And crying too. Grieving. He said it would help me feel better to sleep and cry. Hmmmm, I have an assignment.

He also told me my feelings are very real and not just hormones, as I had been thinking. He said everyone is upset by events like these, and it is normal.

He also says I need to bring my husband in for another couples session. So now I have to ask him for that. He said we need to talk about the ring together because otherwise it will haunt me for years. Best to get it out now, and that will make moving forward with the divorce easier, the legal meetings and so on. So I agreed to ask my husband to come for another couples session. After I got home I remembered how very hurt I was after our last couples session and I had said I would never do that again. But somehow, T has convinced me to do that again. I was devastated when my husband said he wanted the ring on the assets list. And now I have to go to T's office and be devastated about this again with my husband sitting there witnessing how much this has hurt me. Oy vey. T said it will be all right, he will be there. He said wonderful things can happen in therapy situations like this. And he said, if it goes badly, just tell myself, "that's why I'm getting a divorce." I trust him so I'll do this.

At the end of the session, on my way out, T spread his arms and said "share a hug?" And I came into his arms. He's so tall. I felt safe in his big bear hug, really safe and comforted. I have never been so close to anyone in my life.