Hi Dechan: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. You know... I have a pdoc who will give me almost any psych med I want. In fact, when I see him (which isn't often at this point) if I mention anything I'm having difficulty with, he's right there with a suggestion for some med or other I could take. I'm quite certain he would also support most anything else I wanted to do as well.

It sounds to me as though you somehow have gotten stuck with a bad psychiatrist. I wonder if it might be possible for you to find someone else who would be willing to try to be at least modestly helpful. "Change your life & practice new behaviors" indeed! Of course acting normal even though you don't feel normal is certainly one possibility. I've been doing it for the better part of 68 years! Treading water does get tiring after a while. But, then, sometimes treading water is all there is...