I just kinda need to vent. I'm going to a local clinic to start the process of getting in to see a psychiatrist for my depression and anxiety and my stomach is in knots. I always got this horrible can't-breathe, feeling lightheaded, break-out-in-a-sweat dread every time I went to see my old psychiatrist, who was mean and awful. I know (I hope, anyway) that not all of them are horrible and maybe the new one is going to help this time.

But I'm just so scared. I hate doctors! They're terrifying on a gut instinct level that not all the positive self talk in the world makes any more bearable. I saw my psychiatrist for two years and felt this panicky and trapped at every appointment. Just throw a prescription at me and clear a path to the door!

It's been over a year and I'd forgotten how panicky it makes me. I'm going to take a family member this time so I can have support. Maybe that will help a little.

I don't know why this is so consistently terrifying for me... most people get over it but two years of appointments didn't get me over it. I feel like I'm walking to my death every time I go. Felt the same way about therapy appointments.