i've tried therapy in the past and there were a couple times were the therapist told me that i had been going to their session with the same/similar questions/concerns and it wouldn't get anywhere and that they're trying to help me, but i didn't seem to be taking their advice.

it was about this situation i had with my grandma. mt grandmother was yelling at me through my bedroom door to get the mail from the mail person, and i told her to give me a second cause i had to put on some pants. and not a minute later, she told me to hurry up, and i muttered "what's your problem" and when i came outside to get the mail, she called me disrespectful. i called my mom, crying on the phone ane told her about it. and she said thay i should say sorry and that i was being disrespectful.

I got extremely down at that point and when i went to my therapist, i told her what happened, I ended up acting hysterial, crying. she told me, that i could try apologizing to my grandmother and I responded by saying that I wouldn't forgive myself if i said sorry. I kept putting myself down verbally as well. she told me to stop throwing a pity pit. my therapist asked me if i had a goal in mind, and i didn't. i later took her advice. and at the time i felt even more down and for some reason i asked her if i could be checked into the hospital. she seemed really annoyed and frustrated by this and mentioned how this was the worst possible time to ask and brought up how she had other patients waiting for her. i still feel horrible about all of it.

i've used her advice in the past, like when she would give me homework to do. i think a few times i asked to negotiate with her. especially when she asked me to
try to talk to at least 3 people per day and i asked if i could limit it to just two, since my social anxiety was really bad and i just didn't feel ready.

i've been pretty reluctant on seeing another therapist. i'm just embarrassed about how i acted those times, i've been trying to work on my reassuring questions, but it hasn't gotten better at all, well to me. has this situation happen to anyone before? i feel like there's something seriously wrong with me. i know it could just be that i'm annoying. which is okay i guess, i just hate that i bother people so much to the point where they get upset with me. it's awkward and embarrassing cause i would never want to make a therapist mad at me.