I have never told anyone what I have been experiencing in detail as I did not want to burden them with my problems. But I feel like I should get it out somehow and I feel like it would be more comfortable if I were to do it online behind a screen.

I struggled with my relationship with food since I was 13/14. I was always slim, I don't know why or how I thought I was fat. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror without crying or having suicidal thoughts (I still do). When I was 16 I developed anorexia but it didn't cause me any health problems, I was just underweight and had a fear of certain food groups.

My anorexia soon turned into binge eating and compulsive eating and I have been struggling with that for a year now. I have gained weight and I feel absolutely DISGUSTING AND UNATTRACTIVE. From the outside I am told I look "average" but in my eyes I am gross. My clothes are all tight on me and words DO NOT express how upset this makes me feel.

All I can think about is food, weight and fat. Because of this I am unable to complete tasks and unable to focus on anything. My aspirations and dreams are becoming impossible to reach because of my obsession with food and binging. It makes me even more frustrated knowing this.

I have been to a psychologist but she was very unhelpful. We did nothing. We talked about the same things over and over again and when there was nothing to talk about, there would be silence. After 5 or 6 sessions I quit because it was becoming a waste of time. I watched youtube videos, read books and other people's stories and tips and techniques for binge eating BUT NOTHING WORKED FOR ME.

I have the mindset of "all or nothing". If I have one cookie, I struggle soooo much to stop myself from binging. My cravings are unstoppable and I can't go over 2 days without a binge.
I am so sick and tired of this cycle. I am desperate for a cure.

I feel trapped and cramped in a box that is way too small for me.

If you have any techniques you used that helped you for binge eating I would be very grateful!