very tough night yesterday with a lot of dark thoughts concerning family mostly, but also other stuff (namely how worthless I am)

part of it was because of all the halloween stuff going on around me, and part of it was to do with the fact that yesterday evening I heard fireworks (big trigger)

no sleep

today struggling with what I call, " first of the month blues" (yeah, I made it up)

the feeling you get on the first day of each month that says to you well... their goes another 30/31 days of you being nothing, what are you still doing here?.

yeah..

probably just watch some avatar later and order my takeout

who really cares what I do