Ok so part of the problem is that you're asking the internet for an answer that you should be asking yourself. do you want to base your future change or lack thereof on what the internet says about a generalized statement of people that are controlling and/or abusive or do you want to make the choice to be in control of your life and your direction in life?

When you're trying to figure out if you can change, why would google or other internet source have any idea what you're capable of? Are you a statistic or a person with individual thoughts and a soul of your own?

I'll tell you right now. First off, Take the search results as a test and replace "abusive men" with anything that you might think of "narcissists", "bipolar people" etc. What you will find is for the most part the answer will still be no. Why is that? because the general consensus is that most people do not change. Regardless of their problem in question. Why is that? people typically do not like change in the first place but also, because not everyone is nearly as self-aware as a lot of people here on the forums and it's taking in account pretty much the masses which for the most part are numb, and running on auto most of the time.

So with you, here is my take. You are observing, analyzing, thinking about your past behavior. You're assessing what you have been and how that has been wrong and how you have treated your past partner wrong. You could easily chalk it up like many men or women and just say 'they were horrible for [insert reasons here]" but you're not. proving you're self aware and being self analytical. That's no guarantee you can change but it definitely is a step toward improvement. There are those that remain the same (and many do) and there are those that strive to grow and change. You are one that can choose to be different and change, grow and move forward.

Finally I commend you on your self analysis and willingness to look in the mirror at your reflection. Make no mistake, not a lot of people can and do this.

I agree with your friend in that if you think your behavior is a life sentence it will probably be a self fulfilling prophecy. Life itself, relationships are a risk always.

being able to realize what responsibility is a big deal. I approach life with the mindset of always knowing that most of what consists of my life now, where I am, good and bad is because of my own actions. I believe very strongly in consequences and looking at how and what I did to make those things happen. there are a few things that we have no control over but ultimately they are few, most of what happens to us outside of our control is not really as big of a deal as what we do about those events we could not change. So it still falls on our shoulders, the consequences.

first I think if you want to open up to the opposite sex again, then yes you should. But here's the thing. Instead of asking if you should, decide. Decide to do so but in doing this, also ask how you will get there and how will you change your behavior, how will you make sure you change, etc? Ask how, your brain will find the answers. Ask the right questions and it moves us in the right direction, nearly every time.

if it's really true you can't change would be giving into the idea that you're a mindless drone that has no options in anything. You can only move in the way that you were programmed to do and you're just a robot with a faulty program. You're not. Everything that got you where you are is from environment, events, and choices. the last part being the one you have a say in. Environment, people, events and things we cannot change. In this, you have to consider why you were the way you were, and from there figure out what you can do to change those behaviors. This is not a quick fix but I'm assuming you want real change not a bandaid for your problems.

I don't believe any of the other areas will successfully give you happiness anyway. this would assume that the controlling and manipulating behavior happened in a bubble and only related to the relationships you were in. That's not the case. in or out of a relationship you are you. Given the right circumstances and without making any changes, I'm sure you'd see the same behaviors emerge. See I don't think that behaving the way you did is rooted only in a relationship but was a sign of other aspects of your personality that need to be addressed.

how would you explain what to other people that want to be with you? If you choose to be single then let that be your answer. But I don't think that you should be alone if that's not what you ultimately want. Being alone, unless that itself makes you happy should not be your choice.

sorry for the long reply but this struck me as a post that needed some serious thoughts. Hope they were helpful.