Hi
I am writing here because I am in a position where I cannot talk to anyone I know. I do not want them knowing of my situation.
I have been with Jon for almost 2 years, and in that period have witnessed some actions of his that are not good.
He has been physical with me in the past, but I insist that he is not that kind of person. I need to see the best in him, but I am afraid.
Just last night, he had reached into our chihuahua's cage, I don't know for what, but the dog bit him. The dog has been a little snippy since we have gotten another puppy. Jon exploded, snatched the dog from the cage and began to hit him. This does not sit well with me at all, so I tried to restrain/ stop Jon. In the process I got knocked to the floor, and Jon took the dog by the neck, choking him. The dog began to poop- I assume a reflex caused by extreme panic. Jon stormed outside, and THREW the dog by his neck into the yard. I was screaming and terrified, so I shut the door and locked it. Immediately I realized that Jon would erupt if I locked the door, so I unlocked it. I grabbed the other puppy and ran outside to see if the dog was okay. In the meantime Jon locked the door on me. I was left outside in the cold for nearly an hour, pleading with him to let me in.
Jon's name is on the mortgage, and even though I pay for some, and other things in the home, when Jon is upset it is HIS house. So I am repeatedly threatened to be kicked out of HIS home.
After I was allowed in, he began to scream at me for disrespecting him. I had held his arms, screaming trying to release his hold on the dog, and I had locked him out- this was all MY FAULT.
He does not see the fault in his actions- he sees it as me hitting him, which I have not, did not, never do with anyone. He is upset with me. And he doesn't see his fault.
So I told him-what would you do if I hit your son and dragged him by his throat? Jon said "If my son bit you, then I would condone you hitting him..."
Is this not a messed up way of thinking? he is still upset with me today, and is berating me for all sorts of things- as he usually does.
He had been drinking a lot, but his temper is short even when he has not had a drink. He is usually such a nice person, and I love and care for him.
I can handle his abuse on me, but hitting a little dog? I feel guilty having my dog be put in a situation like this, but I cannot go.
I am a smart person, and I know that anybody would tell me to get the hell out, but I am not going to quit something I have worked on. There is too much at stake- I have a horrific schedule of school and work, and me leaving would destroy my will to do anything.
Is there anything? I am deperate for someone to tell, someone who does not know us so that they are biased towards us. Please help