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Old Nov 02, 2016, 08:53 AM
s4ndm4n2006's Avatar
s4ndm4n2006 s4ndm4n2006 is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,052
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch View Post
I'll tip toe around this thread when I say this.

You're considering ending a relationship with your bf because his dad is a *******?

My parents are probably one of the biggest racists on the planet ... oh boy don't get me started ... and as for my grandparents - they were all part of the apartheid era.

But it's not a reflection what so ever on who I am, and it shouldn't be a reflection on who your bf is. I don't get a sense that you've heard racist comments from him.

Thing is, no one can change your bf's father. He is who he is. It's not going to make a difference at this stage what anyone says to him about his racists ways; not his wife; not your bf. Some people just have no tact or culture and clearly he is one of them.

Maybe you need your feelings to be more acknowledged by your bf?

Thing is, your bf could intervene every time his father goes off on racist tirades, but how is that going to solve anything? It isn't. Personally if it was me, I'd like to think my bf would say something.

I would think that you need to have a good, long upfront conversation with your bf and tell him how you're feeling. I wouldn't personally "end it cold" or so to speak until you can have a heart to heart about all of this with your bf.

There must be some kind of half way medium you and your bf can come to that both of you agree on and are comfortable with. Some strategies you can put in place for when his father comes over or what to do when his father goes on this rants. If your bf can't agree with this, then yes you can consider plan B which is walking away.
My point of contension here is not merely ythe parents but in how even when his girlfriend is around, clearly taking offense, the son does nothing which doesn't necessarily make him a racist but by his silence he chooses not to stand up for his gf in the presence of the racism. It's nearly worse to remain silent and says a bit.

Sure, I completely agree with you on ths things you say, and if it were his father's place they were visiting, he might need to remain silent in order to be a respectful guest but this is the parents visiting him and he should be taking the reins, have some backbone and he does not.
Thanks for this!
Brasucasulu, Trippin2.0, Yours_Truly