I know the way EMDR works is to float back to earlier experiences, so that's how we got to "kids passing notes around me" in 5th grade. That led to feeling rejected and invisible. I know therapy is about me, not T. But the original trigger still bothers me. Maybe when we do more work with this issue I will learn more because I know my reaction was about me. Or was it?

This is going to sound trivial but apparently it's not. T told me ahead of time what country she was going to. At the session after she returned I asked how she liked it there, as it was a place I wish I could visit. She sounded kind of neutral and said she also went to another country. I asked if it was far and she said no.

I have a collection of travel books at home so I looked up the other country. It's not close to the original country. When T was away, I looked up travel times from where I thought she was. It upset me that she was somewhere else. I also could have loaned her the travel book though maybe she wouldn't have accepted.

I mulled over my feelings that week instead of emailing her, which she said was great! She said it was close, considering how far away she was! Also that she didn't tell me the other country since it's my therapy, so she didn't want to elaborate on her travel plans. She always tells me where she's going, though.

So, we talked about my feeling that she passed over me, kept me in the dark, rejected me, which is transference for past feelings. She suggested EMDR which we finally did yesterday.

But it's still triggering me! She gave me half the information so I feel cheated or overlooked or something. She could have just told me! If it was okay for her to tell me she was going to one country, why not say the other?

I know I should just drop this but it seems like the EMDR caused it to resurface. Or, maybe that's the point! Since the original trigger is about my reactions to T, I need to explore more if those kinds of reactions in my past. T wants me to think back to the past, but that happens more in the present. I get annoyed when my family members "leave me out" or tell half the facts. I think it's more about rejection, or perceived rejection. Feeling invisible is another issue. The homework is on target for something, I know.

I'm trying to figure this out myself and not email T but any comments, assuming any of the above makes any sense, would be appreciated.