@dragonphoto - This situation might not really relate to yours, due to the difference in age, but the only insight I can share with you that I feel might be mutual is that your wife cares for you, as I care for my friend. Some people don't mind if others are clingy, and they'll put up with it especially if they do care.

But in my case with my friend, I first cared for her by attempting to nurture her self-esteem. Which backfired slightly, because she saw me as a person who made her feel better about herself, not a person who helped her do that for herself. I wanted to see her become more independent, but when I didn't let her lean on me as much, she just went to someone else. Her aversion to her own personal growth is what eventually made me stop nurturing her.

I don't know if my history with my friend bears any resemblance to your situation. If so, I'm happy to contribute, if not, then best of luck, anyway.

@Perna (I run into you a lot, don't I? ) - I definitely don't want to hurt her. I want things to kind of be neutral, like they were when we were friends in school, but not outside of school.

Well, this other friend, she mentioned, Ben, chose a strange route for making things up with her. He's afraid that not being her friend at all would be inconvenient and difficult for him. He sees her in school, her mom cuts his hair, his brother is friends with her sister...
So when she asked him, "What about me is really that terrible?" he answered. He told her all the little things that she does to annoy him. And there was a lot of stuff. This approach concerned me, so I told him, "You can't expect her to change everything about herself just to be your friend."
"Not everything," he replied, "Just some habits."
I can understand this method, but I would have phrased it as, "I don't like it when you do these things. It annoys me to the point where I don't want to be around you. You can decide whether or not it's worth changing yourself for my friendship."

I'd like to do that, myself, but I definitely don't want to hurt her. Even if that isn't our intent, it could still happen that she ends up completely lost without me and Ben.

I understand what you're saying about the like/love thing. I don't like her anymore. There was a time when I did, but she's still growing up, so to speak, and so she's changed. I think it's natural that I should like someone one year and not like them the next, at least concerning adolescents. But we still have history together, and I'm trying to do this in a gentle, thought-out manner.
If I weren't, you wouldn't see this post.