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Originally Posted by mostlylurking
I agree that our relationships with our T's can mirror our relationships with people generally, but I don't think this is inevitable. I take care of a lot of people in my life, it's my default role, and I can see looking back that I have tried to push my therapy relationship in that direction somewhat. But my T doesn't let this happen. He shares very, very little about himself. He reassures me (because I worry about upsetting him) that it's okay to share anything with him and he'll be able to handle it. He has muted reactions to most things I've told him about, which at first I did not like, but if I'm honest, I really needed that because if I catch a look of concern on his face I just want to stop mid-story and say "Hey listen, it was no big deal, I'm fine now, not to worry!" So, muted reactions turn out to be helpful to me. I think maybe you just need to find the right T?
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Lately I found a T who has little to no reactions and gives little to no input. And I keep wondering if that makes any sense. I can't imagine spending much time with someone like that in everyday life. .... unless we had a job to get done, then I could imagine it. And I suppose, in therapy we have a job to get done, so maybe it does make sense.
But then, the one thing I find it really hard to mention or even identify within me is any personal feelings about the T herself. She is practically like a non-entity. She is again also not structuring or guiding the therapy whatsoever. Everything that happens is always 100% on my initiative. So I still don't know that that feels right either. Even with blank slate Ts, is it like that for other people?