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Originally Posted by SarahSweden
She gave me feedback the session before and I felt that was nice but the next time she brought this up about performance anxiety and that it was because of that I wanted feedback.
I see this as strange as if a boss at work told their employees that you have to find validation within yourself, I wonīt give you any feedback on your work. [...] I donīt see why it should be different within the therapeutic relationship as long as itīs about therapeutic progress which it was in my case. [...]
Of course most clients want to be liked by their T, who wants to bring difficult issues to a person who donīt like them or never show they like them. I think itīs just bs to handle a therapeutic relationship way beyond basic human needs and to pathologize when clients react to cold and dismissive behavior.
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I wasn't there, but to be honest I don't think your therapist intended to pathologize you or invalidate your feelings.
A therapeutic relationship is quite different from a work relationship.
Maybe your therapist made this remark about performance anxiety, because she sees a link between you asking how she perceives your progress and you wanting to be liked by her. Maybe deep down you believe that you are only lovable and likeable when your performance has been "good enough"? So this might explain why your T might have picked up on your being anxious about this?
Believe me I know about perfectionisms, performance anxiety and not feeling "good enough"... I know how debilitating and paralysing this can feel. And in your perception your T withholding this feedback might add to those feelings?
Scarlet said that there's
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a difference between "does my T like me?" and "how does my T feel about my progress?"
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Your T can like you a lot, and that is totallly seperate from the question whether she thinks you made progress or not. What really matters is *your* perception whether you made progress. What has changed for you and how? For the better? So your T giving this question back to you is ultimately trying to strengthen your self-awareness, your sense of self...
wishing you all the best. I do feel that this is worth talking about with your T. Is it scary? Definitely. But this is part of "digging deeper" and I think it's worth it.
c_r