Well, here I am about half drunk from beer, which I swore off of six years ago, and I feel like it's the end of the long hard struggle with anxiety and depression. I've taken almost every antidepressant there is and some have given me help and most haven't. I don't have a lot of money to get into serious therapy, my wife is a serious alcoholic who I've stood behind for years and years. She was supposed to start intensive treatment today but instead is drinking again and saying there's no purpose in it. I am a total financial wreck and basket case trying to be supportive of her for so many years. Now I'm tired of helping and feel that maybe it's time for myself to check out and just give up on life. There seems to be no answer to her problem and I can't go on living without her or seem to be of any help. No amount of antidepressants give me an incentive to move forward anymore.

So maybe this is the final answer that God is giving me. Give it up, stupid. You don't have any ability to help her or yourself. I hate to leave her alone in life with the debts that have been created trying to get our life back to normal, but I just don't see any other answer. I am so depressed, disappointed, and absolutely without any hope that life will ever get better. My twin brother died four months ago. He was my best friend. Maybe he's the lucky one and I should hope that the afterlife will find his friendship and companionship again and I can be happy again.

Just don't know. Wish there were an answer. Doesn't seem to be one now. I'll give it a few more days and see but I am so tired and disappointed with life that I don't want to live anymore. If you live in Canon City, CO, perhaps you'll see my obituary in the local newpaper and wish me lcuk.

I love everyone who I meet and am so happy for those that have found answers to happiness in this life. I just can't right now and I'm so sorry.

Terry Squier