tomi I just now came across this thread. not sure why I didn't see it before. I think what you are feeling is human compassion. I know kind of what you are going thru. I left my late husband in 97. I moved out of state and didn't have alot of contact with him later. I loved him with all my heart. I was totally and completely devoted to him. his drinking got to me and I could not take it anymore. I saw him a couple of times in the years before he passed and he had gained so much weight from the beer and looked horrible. walking dead man like you say. When I found out he was so sick I rushed back to Ga to be with him. he had remarried his first wife with an agreement that he be able to drink all he wanted. she padlocked him in the house every day with 3 cases of beer knowing he was sick. she would take off with her bf and leave him like that. I got to him 2 days before he died. I am so glad I went to see him. I was the last person he spoke to and he told me he loved me. it was tough.

I really think Jerry is right. you should go see him. if this is his time to go you need maybe to say goodbye. maybe even tell him you forgive him. even if you don't really for his peace of mind at this time. I think it could be healing for you both. that is just my opinion though. hang in there hon.