Hello Kiwi: I'm sorry you & your husband find yourselves in these difficult situations. I wanted to leave a note letting you know I read your post. But, realistically, I doubt there is much of anything I could suggest here.

I know I have some of the same tendencies your husband has, as far as getting upset over small things goes. I don't know if this is simply a guy thing or if it is a symptom of some underlying mental, or even physiological, condition. It's an ongoing struggle for me... & something I continue to work on...

The obvious answer to your dilemma is, of course, couples counseling... or perhaps individual therapy for yourself (since you say you sometimes feel like you're losing your mind) as well as individual therapy for your husband. However, there is a little voice in the back of my head saying your husband is not likely to be interested in either of those options.

So, assuming that is the case, the best thing I can think of is work on eliminating those snippy remarks you mentioned. You can't change your husband. You can only make changes in yourself. So, from my perspective, that is where you'll need to focus your efforts. I wish you well...