I tend to be cautions when I don't know much about the specifics of someone's therapy and I don't know much about yours since I haven't been following your threads.

But there is one thing that jumped at me in your post that evoked a strong reaction in me. It's the expression she used to describe your request "negative countertransference and as an expression of my performance anxiety!" This is called psychobabble, which is one of the most unhelpful things a therapist can do. It's not just my opinion. With all shortcomings of my professional training, one thing we were taught NOT to do is to use psychobabble with clients. When human feelings and interactions are described in "technical terms" in such cold, mechanical way, that objectifies the person who communicates those feelings. Objectifying someone is hurtful and could be traumatic to the person who is being objectified and this is not something to be minimized or taken lightly.

I don't know what you will do with that, and, as I said, I don't want to suggest anything because I don't know the details of your therapy, but this is just the reaction I wanted to share.