I hope she meets that need of yours.

I've had therapists who were really hung up on the therapy relationship. It was really important to them to stay very professional, so strong attachment was discouraged, which means they tried to keep the relationship as impersonal as possible. It was horrible. They would never have said that they enjoyed having me in therapy.

I'm not saying your therapist wants disconnection like them. I'm saying that because my current therapist is very different. He tells me I'm doing good work by being in therapy. He tells me when I'm doing a great job with handling a situation. He has told me a handful of times that he likes to have me in therapy. Approval - it's a BIG deal to me. My previous therapists wouldn't meet that need, but this therapist says, "I see approval as a crucial part of what we do in therapy." He has told me a few times that he thinks I'm enjoyable to talk to and have in therapy. It is a deep need of mine that he meets, and it's really important to me.

It seems really unfair to me for your therapist to say you need to come up with this stuff yourself. Some people's love language is words of affirmation, and some people's isn't. Maybe kind or complimentary words aren't important to her personally, but they are for others and for you, so I don't think she should have such a hard stance.

That said, this is certainly between you and your therapist. These are just my thoughts as I read over what you wrote.