I read your post on Reddit. I have AvPD and my H has a sex addiction (per him). We went a long time without sex for a bunch of reasons, one of which was that he would fantasize about others during sex and I could feel his mental absence. I felt that something was wrong for many years (like 20) before we addressed this in couples counseling. We've managed to work thru it though, so I hope that gives you some hope.

As far as liking to play video games and the like, I sometimes feel like I need to be alone or withdraw because just interacting with people gets tiring for me. I think it works best when H and I talk about upcoming events and when during the event it would be appropriate for me to withdraw for a bit. I have the excuse of needing to walk my service dog-and that comes in very handy. I do think that both people in the relationship need to understand that the person with AvPD will need more time on his/her own than most people and that it doesn't mean anything about how the AvPD feels about the partner. For us it works better to agree before hand how time will be handled, what is an appropriate amount of time to spend with partner and/or other family members, what is ok to spend alone.

It is not easy being in a relationship with two people with disorders. I find couples counseling to be a necessary part of us being happy together. We have been married 29 years so something is working!