Today i went online at work with my work laptop and saw Jane's email addy right there. I wrote her an email and joked about one getting email in the hearafter. I have not gotten it back yet. I would love to think she reads me, sees me, hears me. It seems her death has triggered a lot of old crap, trauma. She was a safety for me. This is not conscious, very unconscious. Dreams and fear and feeling like an orphan. I really don't understand because I am much too old for a parent. However, today a client offered to give me bee stings for my back pain. Now, don't think so but how very dear of her. Depressiopn worse lately? I don't know. Dreams are indicative of the ptsd though. I want to snuggle in bed with Jane in our flannel nighties on this cold night and just feel her love.