I always think that I'm bad somehow. Maybe I'm getting better at not acting like I think I'm bad quite so much.

For a long time I think I figured that being miserable must be part of the process somehow. But it gets old, and I get tired of it. I wonder why I want her approval so badly but maybe I sabotage myself without consciously knowing it. I always seem to mess up, and I don't think that I will ever be acceptable to her.