There were multiple events in which she no doubt felt extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed with your behavior. The events on her birthday probably stand out in her mind. She might now be afraid of what you might do, especially when you have been drinking.

My suggestion is to take concrete action, such as the following: attend an anger management program regularly; permanently stop drinking; attend AA regularly; start to see a therapist about the jealousy and what underlies it.

If you continue to not hear from her, my suggestion is to contact her again after you have had, say, two months of consistently doing the above, and tell her that you acknowledge, and are sincerely sorry for, the problems that you created for her in the past and that you have been taking specific steps for months now to improve yourself. She might be willing to give you another chance. Might.

I do not know if you ruined everything, as you asked. However, I think that a woman who has been embarrassed and abandoned and even frightened more than once by a man who was in an alcohol-influenced fit of jealousy and anger might well be reluctant and fearful to give that man another try. But even if she will not give you another chance, you can give you another chance, and a better chance, by taking the steps outlined above.