I have read all of this, and I think I know how you felt before, and a little of what you are going through now. My ex just took off, and there was one woman after the other, completely ignoring the kids and their needs. He cancelled their insurance, didn't pay child support, and stopped seeing them. My hubby adopted them, then. I feel indifferent like you do towards him. On a rare occasion, meeting up just on the street, I do not even speak to him. When people live like this, they really have to expect to end up alone and sick. Don't feel so guilty! My ex husband's second ex hates him as bad as I do. Some people just never learn. It is good that you have compassion for your ex as a human being, and your hubby right now seems to be very understanding. You are very lucky to have him! Good Luck! Hug your hubby and your kids!!!