Yes, I have good headphones and I find things. I used to have Netflix and Am. Prime. I canceled them both because I really didn't find much that I cared about. I like the TV news shows like CNN and MSNBC and FOX. Sonce I have DirecTV at my place, I guess I shoukd be able to watch my shows on my tablet, but I don'tknow how to bring them up. My tablet is a Kindle, so it has a lot of limitations. I could put another cable box in his bedroom. His bill would be higher, but it would be an option.

I'm going to have depressive episodes, no matter what. I accept that. They are episodes and they blow over. I suffered from this condition since long before I met him. What galls me is that I saw him through years of alcohol abuse, then the stroke, open heart surgery and spinal surgery. I learned everything I could about all those things that would enable me to best help him. But he says he doesn't get depression and makes ZERO effort to try. I don't hope to be babied and coddled. There never was anyone in my life to cater to me like that. He has adult children. Once, he told one of them I was saying I was depressed, so she sent cops to my house. Once, when someone in my family called me while I was crying, the next thing I knew my sister on the other side of the country sent cops to my house. I didn't go threatening self-harm, or anything remotely like that. It felt like his family and mine were warning me not to ever complain of depression or they'll call the cops on me. None of them even ever found out about that one self-harm incident, which I'ld be too ashamed to tell anyone.

For years and years, I've managed my problem with depression, usually in a very responsible way. When I would be without health insurance, I would pay for everything out of my wages - meds, counseling, pdoc appointments. He never tried to learn anything about being supportive. I will look for some literature. He's a type of person who never seems able to learn.

Our relationship changed a lot as he aged and develped health and mobility issues. I'm like some chore woman he hired for free. I have to admit - I don't even try to dress nice or put on make up anymore. When I'm here with him, I get to eat for free. Once in a while, he'll pay for some repair work on my car.

I guess that's enough whining for now.