I'm kind of scared of myself in some ways based on how I reacted today. From moment to moment, I switch from intense anger and rage to depression. Now, I'm exhausted, and the benzos are starting to kick in, so I'm not feeling so incredibly impulsive as I was earlier. I'm still in a pretty dark place though.

My plan is to pay attention to the mood switches and possibly call the crisis center myself tonight if I'm having doubts about being able to keep myself safe. As of now, I'm just trying to listen to some music, and at least a friend called me and tried to talk me down. I'm hoping I can wait for my primary pdoc though and trying my best to cope for now.