Jman-I am not an expert but you seem to have severe depression like many of us here. Are you seeking treatment for it?
When I am depressed, I have to have contact with other people to bring me out of the abyss. So this is a logical place to come if you have no one to hang out with this weekend that you connect with.
What was your biggest stressor last week? Was it work? Sometimes work just really aggravates our condition (depression and such). When I thought policies were unfair or stupid, it would make my blood boil. It also is draining to deal with toxic bosses or customers. Work can just stink.
And I know from some of your older threads that you have dealt with the pain caused by losing bfs. That stuff can really mess with you. Your appetite, sleep, thoughts, etc. I used to get very OCD (would keep thinking about them) when that happened to me. It would feel insane.
So I guess I am sitting here guessing about your thoughts. For some of us, we ruminate the same depressing thoughts over and over when we are depressed. I find that when I post about it in a specific way here, it helps me stop.
A lot of people here feel alone so you are a part of the "I feel so alone" brother/sisterhood. Maybe it's just the human condition to suffer but some of us are quite talented when it comes to our own unique mind torture techniques. Do you like football? That will likely distract me for a while later today. I hope Sunday is better for you!