I'll try not to take long. I just need to vent this out. I fell in love with this woman, whom I re-met from the secondary school days. Never meant for it to happen, I've always had a tendency to fall for close lady friends. It happened, nevertheless, and as always, I was unsure and insecure and took too much time; at one point she may have meant to go further but I didnt react, maybe I just couldnt believe it. She's divorced, 45, two kids (she doesnt have custody and never discussed why with me), very pretty and smart. She got in a relationship with yet another school days ex boyfriend and of course it hurt. Then they broke up, there was a school meeting and she said was dubious to go, didnt want to see him. I tried to confort her, even joked about it. Later that week, she invited me to the movies. The day of the reunion, they showed up together. It hit me hard and for over three of four months have been going crazy with guilt, jealousy and rage towards myself. I feel I was there, not only the last time, but when she was lonely; I couldnt say what I feel, but I meant to demonstrate it with my actions and attitudes. I was there first. They are travelling together now, and people on the Whattsapp group joked about them being in their honeymoon. I sank. Silenced the group, stopped following her in fb, we both write, so I unliked her blog page. I feel stepping back from that is the best I can do, to leave her alone to be happy with her love, but also to just stop feeling this. This to attempt to keep the friendship, get over it and still be her friend, but without this horrible, sad feeling of impotence and loss I have. But I still feel so sad.