Hello jean17: You know... some time ago... I posted a thread where I castigated myself severely for something I had failed to do. Another member replied that my negativity toward myself seemed to be out of proportion to what I had not done. And the member who said that was absolutely correct. But, although I didn't say it in my thread, what I was beating myself up for was not really the particular incident I described. It was for all of the many other far worse things I've done in my life that I can't write about.

I presume you probably have not done some of the awful things I have. But reading your post I suspect that, what you're beating yourself up for here, isn't really about not showing up an hour early for Mass. It's about other things that are weighing on you... whatever they are. So hopefully, in some way, you will be able to have an opportunity to put all of those things that are weighing you down to rest. I send hugs your way with the hope that it might be so...