Blame doesn't seem like the best way to frame it, but cause and effect is just the same i suppose. I think it's mostly like Lolagrace said--it's more about balance, which she described very well.

Like many who didn't get much parenting, I spent most of my life as a pseudo-independent since I was a young child. Shortly after I got into therapy, I became the opposite--very dependent. It happened abruptly; it was kind of dissociative, actually.

The pseudo-independent was a layer on top of the dependent traits, which come from a young child-like place, but were stunted during development. Therapy helped me become more balanced, but I still lean towards being overly dependent. So in a way, therapy is to blame for the change, but not really.

Although to ATATs comment-I wouldn't confuse dependency with a need for control or anger or fear or aggressiveness. I don't think stalking or harrassment is related to dependency. Sometimes it's just one way need for control can manifest. Need for control can manifest in different ways in those who appear to be the farthest from dependent.

Some therapists do encourage dependency, but I think that it can sometimes be helpful. Other times probably not.

Good thread.