As others have said, I do not think that dependency is something that should be labeled as intrinsically bad. And, therefore, I don't feel anyone should be blamed. I think, for some, it is both natural and necessary. For others, of course, there is a need for independence and autonomy. But, neither situation is right or wrong - it all depends on the individual and the therapist.

I grew up in such a way that it made me have to be independent and overly responsible at a young age. In many ways, that has been positive as it has allowed be to be motivated, dependable, and forward-thinking. I can problem solve with the best of them! In some situations. At the same time, my experience has made me want so badly to be cared for. I need to learn how to depend on others because it is unhealthy for me to not allow anyone in on an emotional level. Or, physical, for that matter. Part of my therapeutic experience has centered on developing an attachment to my therapist so that she can be effective for me and so I can learn that it is okay and safe to depend upon someone else.

Of course, the most important piece of this is that my therapist is emotionally healthy and has strong boundaries. Strong, by the way, does not mean inflexible. If a therapist went about this and was not emotionally healthy, there would be blame associated with their actions. It's also important for the therapist to not foster such dependency that a client loses the ability or never learns to care for themself. One of the things I've needed to learn in therapy is appropriate boundaries and "discipline." Structure would be a better word, perhaps. I am hell on wheels when left to my own devices and so my T has had her work cut out for her. I am dependent on her, to a degree, and that is appropriate for right now. What's important is that this dependence is fluid and allows me to grow independence over time. It's not cut and dry and is certainly not static. If it becomes that way and no effort to amend it was made by the therapist or client, perhaps, then, blame might need to be assigned.

It is both the client's and T's responsibility to progress the therapeutic relationship. Any time there is an imbalance for a long period of time, it can become damaging. A client too afraid to be autonomous can create a disastrous situation over time. The same is true for a client who refuses to ever lean on someone else. A therapist who allows dependence without teaching skills or encouraging independence in certain circumstances is not helping their client. And, a T who does not allow a proverbial shoulder to cry on would also be ineffective if taken to the extreme. It's all about balance and growth. I think I am fortunate in this as my therapist does allow me to experience dependence while not squelching my innate need for autonomy as well.

Blame is not helpful in my opinion unless a situation is so egregious that serious damage is done. But, that is just my belief and, as always, that can be subject to change as well. Interesting topic, though, for sure.