Thanks sunrise, I think I was just so sick and suicidal at the time that nothing really mattered. However, it's been about one month now so I can see how much it hurt me and especially my trust in the system. I feel some better right now, but my pdoc says it's probably because I am hypomanic. He gave me the med I was on before I was hospitalized again and it seems to help with the agitation somewhat, but it's still too soon to know. It's called Invega, in the family of Risperdal. He's having to titrate me back onto Lamictal and Trileptal to get back to the level I was on prior to them taking me off all my old meds. This means that I will have to put up with the mania and depression which I tend to have rapid cyclying and mixed episodes. These two are truly hard to treat so I understand why I am not very stable. It's been 2 years almost since my diagnosis and still my pdoc is working on the right cocktail. In the meantime I feel all jittery and uncomfortable in my own skin and using very poor judgment in my decisions. I need all your help in staying out of the hospital this time as I only have two days left on my plan for this year and don't know where they would put me if my condition gets more out of control.